Dismantling the Romance Myth with Dean Spade

The systems we live under want us numb, but in search of mythical peak experiences like getting rich and famous, looking perfect, and finding the perfect partner. To get by in our families and school and a punishing society, we close down our full range of feelings. Many of us have a hard time even knowing what we feel, or taking our feelings and other people’s feelings seriously. The third session in Dean Spade's Dismantling the Romance Myth series is about liberating our feelings from the structures that have sought to control them, so that we can feel more of our range of feelings, rather than bouncing between being numb and grasping for “big feelings” through consumer highs, getting attention on social media, or other short-lived and often toxic experiences of escape without a sense of choice. How do we get out of numbing and escapism habits and claim our ability to feel more kinds of feelings, and to have feelings that are responsive to the situations we are in rather than trapped in small boxes or well-worn grooves we are conditioned to by the systems we live under? How do we address our fears and avoidance habits when it comes to difficult or unpleasant feelings, such as fear of conflict, fear of standing out, or fear of anger and rejection? How do we recover from the culturally-derived overblown expectations we might be holding that a romance will deliver a huge thrill, make us happy, or fix our lives forever? What tools and reflective practices can help us tune into what we are experiencing, so we notice where we are chasing imbalanced highs, numbing out difficult feelings, and missing the nuances that can actually guide a purposeful approach to our lives and meaningful connections to other people?